SHE'S A BRICK... HOUSE!

IMOL(R*) w/ ReVi and IlAf

My good friend JoFa is getting married this weekend. It's made me think a lot about the institution, I confess. After a weekend of Scandinavian rock-n-roll (Datarock of Norway on Friday and the Swedes of A Camp on Sunday), I thought maybe I should watch Mama Mia and round it all out with a good laugh. Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth and Meryl Streep singing, I mean, c'mon you can't write a better comedy than that. Anyway, the movie's about a wedding, right... and Meryl Streep plays a licentiously lascivious woman (slut) who'd slept with 3 guys in one summer and didn't have protected sex with any one of them, and these three guys (years later) come to the wedding that the movie is based around, the wedding of a girl who's the daughter of one of these 3 men. DOUBLE SPOILER ALERT: this movie sucked harder than Kevin Costner's Swing Vote, but much like Swing Vote where you don't find out who wins the election, you won't ever find out who the girl's father is. I hate these kinds of endings which leave you so dissatisfied...

Which brings me back to the institution of marriage. END SPOILER. Marriage is supposed to be about true love. But honestly, what the fuck does that mean? JoFa and his fiance are well-matched, and I'm happy for them. This may be the first wedding in a long while, actually, where I will look at them during the ceremony and think that they will be together for the rest of their lives... as opposed to taking odds on the number of years before the divorce. Yeah, the family law thing may have made me a bit more cynical, but I'm still looking... for that "lost other half" of mine, the yang to my yin, the tonic to my gin, whatever. I'm losing faith though and coming to the conclusion that true love is either a myth or just not for everyone...

Ergo - I've decided to fight for the polygamists of the world. Maybe Mama Meryl Mia had it right.

So... it's been a little while (and thank you for all the fan mail).

name change for street in SF? (if only...)

It was Nancy Pelosi's distinct pleasure to introduce President Barack Obama the other night before his speech to the nation. How cool is America all of a sudden? Female Speaker... African-American President... and that's when I decided it's okay to stay in the U.S. of A.

As for my disappearance of over one year... would you believe that they don't have the internet in Iceland?! Things have gotten so bad there that people are forced to find free forms of entertainment to keep themselves occupied... and letmetellya - it's a Californian's dreamland. I felt like that British guy Colin who goes to Wisconsin (with his Basildon accent) in that movie Love Actually...

I'd post photos but I sold my camera to pay the bar tab for those depressed yet still ragin' Reykjavikers (Reykjavikians?). I know the real reason why the prime minister resigned. When the mighty metropolis made Grist Magazine's #1 greenest city in the world, I thought it would be a good idea to get Geir grassed up, and he sputtered to me, "Who put the Jav in Reykjavik, baby?!." I could haardely bear such ridiculous humor that the man lost my support and with that his country.

STELLAAAA!

st. charles streetcar

J'adore le streetcar. Love it so much I'm dedicating a whole post to it because when it comes to traveling to Bourbon Street from uptown New Orleans, there ain't no better way to travel. What people don't realize is that following "the storm" (Katrina), the streetcar line was not running for two whole years! Unfortunately, aside from the St. Charles line, all the other streetcar tracks were torn up and will not reopen. Aquel dommage, n'est pas?

I've been practicing mon French lately for hope that I'll get to use it soon.

A note on A Streetcar Named Desire. I'm not a huge Tennessee Williams fan, but Marlon Brando rocks, er, rocked (whatever - he'll always rock). Did you know that every actor in the film version of Streetcar won an academy award that year... except for Marlon?! Now that's just plain bull manure because it is my humble opinion that Marlon Brando was the greatest, most important, most pioneering actor of all-time. Okay - that's all for today. I'm spent. Too many beignets.

OH, THE HUMANITY!

house dedication, 9th ward - new orleans

MoFo and I traveled on down to the Big Easy for a week. We helped build houses for Habitat for Humanity and the Musicians' Village of the devastated 9th Ward. Okay, yes, I may be a man of leisure, but I don't mind picking up a hammer and nail for those unfortunate folks of the 9th Ward. Without these people, the fun parts of the Big Easy could not function - there would be no hotel staff, no servers and no musicians. What is New Orleans without all this? So... though I have taken a vow to shirk work, I felt it my karmic duty to give back a little to the city which has given so much to me in the past.

Special thanks to DoTa for coming out for a couple days to help out our house-building team. And congrats on getting signed with a record label! Back in the day, DoTa and I used to jam together. Look at him now - all grown up with a label behind his music. Pretty damn cool - hmmmm... maybe I'll start a rock band of my own.

TAILGATING ANYONE?

Ahh, the sweet smell of blackened catfish, shrimp gumbo and crawfish etouffee. You may be wondering where a San Fran man might find such delicious dishes... or maybe not if you read the title to this posting.

49er tailgating is really unlike the kind of tailgating I've experienced in other cities - you know beer & barbecue kinda thing. At Candlestick (Monster Park), people drink wine over tablecloths. And when the Saints are in town, the cuisine is Cajun/Creole all around the parking lot.

I came just for the food... and drink, of course - didn't see any part of the game at all. I met the halftime entertainers in the parking lot [see 1st photo] and some other interesting characters [see left], but the highlight had to be... [drumroll, por favor]... the jello shot lady! I had not had a jello shot in years! I'm going to make some more this weekend for sure, though.

ps - thanks for cleaning that catfish, MoFo ; )

FOTC, YEAH YOU KNOW ME!

HBO's Flight of the Conchords rocks as hard as I've ever known anything to rock. If ever I return to the workforce, I would try to work on this creme-de-la-comedie set...

Jemaine & Bret appeared at MoFo's Sangriaween soiree. Such a fantastic find for a t-shirt, I must say. The prize had to go to SaWa's Homewrecker costume, though... and to MoFo's sangria, of course - that stuff will hit you harder than you may realize.

Strange to see a picture of oneself, passed out on a couch, fully clothed... but with half a beard and some serious chops. Would seem like someone was screwing with me... but, in reality, I'd really just been screwing around with myself - uh!*

These pictures were of course destroyed as I must preserve the reputation. In fact, what am I talking about? What pictures? There were no pictures!

See FOTC MySpace page here.

*The current "uh!" record stands at 1000. AnBy is in a close second after (while at a conference) he uttered these words, in reference to MP3 downloads: "People will be getting in their offices, getting in their kitchens, in their bedrooms... uh!" If 1001 people read this post, the new "uh" record will be mine!

THE ALIBI

nothing to do with this entry

Not every bar has a MySpace page, but The Alibi sure does. Strange, they list themselves as a 27-yr. old female... if I were a bar, I think I'd be more of a 30-something-year-old male.

Paragraph.

I once wrote a novel while under the influence of something "totally" legal in California. I wrote a chapter a night for 33 nights. It ended up being 133 pages (in Word), single-space. Its name was "Reckless Abandon", but according to the book's Introduction, it was translated from the original French... when its name was Le Recluse. Not only an obvious mistranslation, but intentionally made much more sensationalist with the English title. American publishers. Damn to hell.

At the time, I had friends working at Time Magazine, Spy and US News World Report. They weren't critics, but I used their quotes for the book's back blurb. And their companies' names, too, of course. Quotes like, "Never has such a young novelist created such an immensely intense classic masterpiece." - J.S., Spy Magazine or "He makes Dostoyevsky, Kafka and Voltaire all look like schmucks." - K.G., Time or "Invest your time wisely, read this book above all others out there, and buy shares in the phenomenon that will be its aftermath." - A.B, U.S.News World Report

Starting at the 6th word of the 6th line of the 6th page, one will find these words: "This is my quest..." and then a page-long (Word!) paragraph about something incomprehensible. At least so to humans. Sometimes I think my ol' dog Ty understood what I was trying to say back then.

Wish he were here now to explain all this to everybody...

EXOTIC EROTIC

IMOL, CaGa, and ?

Oh what a night - late October 2007. Was a very special time... the annual Exotic Erotic Ball at the luxurious Cow Palace [that's sarcasm for the locals]. I saw lots of skin. Too much skin at times if you know what I mean - nudge, nudge. I met the first runner-up to Miss Exotic Erotic (she lost to this WHOA-man who flashed the crowd - I wish she hadn't [see above]). Unfortunately, none of my usual entourage* was there at that moment to snap a photo. Too bad because the first runner-up was a first-class hottie: a-woOO! Sorry but she was. The crowd picked the "winner". I voted for the runner-up and almost lost my voice. If the man with the camera is out there reading this, please send the photo my way.

I arrived in style with slave Leia, a fallen angel, and a sexy piratess. The pink bracelets you might see around our wrists above were VIP backstage passes (that's how I met the runner-up - did I mention how hot she was?). Kudos to LaDe and MoFo for working their magic yet again.

As I sit back and ponder the evening, I wonder... why can't every night be exotic and erotic?

*When I say entourage, I mean MoFo.

THE MATRIX HAS YOU

Mayor Gavin Newsom (above) - I saw him sitting at a bar (Matrix), signing letters. That's a pretty cool thing to do for a mayor, but then again, San Francisco has got a cool mayor. Yeah, he got himself in a little trouble for sleeping with his campaign manager's wife, but c'mon... the man's hair is immaculate - you can't hold something like a small affair against him.

Our Conversation:

IMOL: Hey, Gavin - how's it going?
MAYOR: [smiling] Hi.
IMOL: Heard you on the Alice Morning Show the other day - you were pretty funny.
MAYOR: Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot.
IMOL: [to bartender] Ketel One Martini, up, extra dry with an olive, please... [back to Mayor] I was really impressed by how well you answered those calls. You really know what's going on in the city... like you're really reading all those "Pet Peeves" postings on your website.
MAYOR: Well, I do... though I've been so busy lately, I've probably personally only read about 80% of those recently.
IMOL: I wonder if you've seen the pet peeve I submitted then...
MAYOR: What was it?
IMOL: Complaint with DPT [Department of Parking & Traffic] - I tried to pay some parking tickets in person, and they said I couldn't pay with a check... they said that they only accepted checks that were sent by mail [at this point, IMOL puts shoulders and palms up as if to say WTF]...
MAYOR: [double blink] That's just plain silly.
IMOL: I know, that's why I submitted it.
MAYOR: I haven't seen it yet, but I'll keep an eye out for it because that's absolutely ridiculous, you're right.
IMOL: Cool - well, thank you, Mr. Mayor - keep up the good work... I'll definitely be voting for you again.
MAYOR: Thanks, I could use all the support I can get...
IMOL: [lifts his glass in appreciation and takes a big swig] Take care.
MAYOR: [nodding and smiling again] You, too...

Then he got back to signing his letters. Super charismatic guy, he is. The Democrats could have really used him nationally if it weren't for that whole same-sex marriage issue debacle (and that little affair thing.) Someday, the rest of the country will catch up with his progressive vision.

IMOL GOES "INTERNATIONAL"

Okay so I had promised that I would incorporate more things international into this blog, so I thought long and hard about what I could do while I wait for the government to do its job and issue me a new passport already, and I decided to go find the tourists. No better place to do that in San Francisco than Fisherman's Wharf and Alcatraz Island.

MoFo's mother was in town, too, so it seemed like a perfect excuse to do something I normally wouldn't do. In fact, although I've lived in the Bay Area since '94 (minus 3 years in New Orleans), I have never been to Alcatraz nor had I ever ridden a cable car. Just one of those things I felt too cool to do as a local and all.

What a mistake. The audio tour of Alcatraz is stellar. The best I have ever heard (okay so it's the only audio tour I've ever taken but it was still pretty cool). Very educational, too. There were some things about the history of the island that I'd had no idea about. For instance, did you know Al Capone liked to wear his underwear over his head and cluck like a chicken? Actually, that might not be true - I just like to start random rumors in public places to see if they ever come back my way (the one about pop rocks, coke and Mikey from Life cereal - I started that one when I was in grammar school).

The sea lion guy at Fisherman's Wharf was cool to talk to. He's there to answer questions about the sea lions that like to sunbathe at the pier. I stumped him. I asked him if the sea lions' mating habits are more affected by diet or temperature changes. He had no answer for me (little did he know it was a trick question!). We also talked about sharks. The Great Whites off the coast* like to munch on these poor creatures. Sea Lion Guy said that the Killer Whales, though, who hunt in packs, kick ass over the Great Whites. Thus endeth the marine life lesson for the day.

Finally, when darkness fell, I wrapped my arm around a cable car pole and went on what felt like a roller coaster ride through the streets of San Francisco. Thank God I had the wherewithall for an Irish Coffee from Buena Vista before flying through the chilly city air.

FYI - If any of my friends want to come visit (nudge nudge), I'll gladly do it all again.

*The fall is a great time to visit the Farallon Islands off the coast of the San Francisco peninsula because those waters are known as the mating waters for all types of sharks (including Great Whites) and whales (including Orcas). It's basically a big orgy (my words - Sea Lion Guy would call it a great photo opportunity).

ELECTRO STRIKES AGAIN

I've managed to kill my camera somehow. Add that to the list of assorted electronic goods that I plan to use in my latest and greatest sculpture idea.

Concept: an ethereal child ascending to the heavens yet the subject manages to retain the reality of self, though young and innocent, knowing and more complete than the unseen rest of us about - still very stark in its perspective as is symbolized by the play between light and dark, a contrast accentuated by the space dynamics evident within the expansive composition... made entirely from junk with wires. 3 DVD players and I really don't remember how many phones, I've lost count. Electro has fried all of them somehow.

I have powers. Super-human super-hero type powers. California has helped developed them. With its verdant vegetation.

So I celebrate with a Cohiba in hand, given to me by AmBo, as pictured above from a photo previously unused but now presented because did I mention - I killed my camera somehow.

Synchronicity, once again. Between my camera dying, this photo, the cigar I'm smoking and the fab female next to me who happens to be a fantastic pro photographer. The Almighty Light of the Great Oooh You Are So Big Bless AmBo by the way - she is the pro photographer I want to take with me on all my travels.

As for other photographers, I don't know what I'd do without them. I wouldn't be able to post anything anyway if it weren't for MoFo.

She rocks like a star.

She goes with me to the bar.

Honey from a jar.

A thank you haiku... a thaiku.

WPTH vs. KPWS

Sounds like a battle between east coast and left coast radio stations, I know, but... what it is exactly is a movie idea, perhaps a sequel to the independent film The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill called - Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill vs. Killer Pigeons of Washington Square, or WPTG v. KPWS. In the style of AVP (Alien v. Predator), Freddy v. Jason, and MacGyver v. A-Team (oh wait, that's not a real movie - just another dream of mine to see a combination of 1) yet another retro TV show movie mixed with 2) a "versus" genre pic on the big screen [it will be fantastic, culminating in the two sides improvizing a way to do battle with one another, but each side will be limited in supplies to chewing gum, toilet paper rolls, old parachute, a croquet set, etc.]). WPTG v. KPWS will be much bloodier, though, because no one ever got hurt in A-Team or MacGyver.

Source of inspiration - I was on Telegraph Hill, which is four blocks up from Washington Square in San Francisco. The wild parrots there (yes, there really is a flock of wild parrots in San Francisco) make a hell of a lot of noise. They are spaztic fliers. But you've got to love them. They have a certain charm, what can I say.

Down the hill, the rats with wings in Washington Square swoop across your head and terrorize the parksters like some Hitchcock flick. They are orderly about their terror runs, though. Like Nazis...

Okay, so I'm having this thought - parrots = good guys, pigeons = bad guys... when all of a sudden a lone parrot starts squawking outside the window from where I was writing. I think, strange for it to be by itself, as they do have a tendency to flock for protection, and then I hear a predator's caw, a red-tailed hawk, to be specific. And this raptor/bird of prey/whatever you want to call it is chasing down this lone parrot. I stick my head out the window to observe. I watch as they fly over me, the parrot making some serious noise now, and then as they pass over the building - silence.

Another sign.

Let this be a lesson. The hawk is the U.S. government. We freedom fighters are the parrots. Everyone else is part of the fucking pigeons - as long as they get their food, they're happy. We parrots must stick together, however, or else the war hawks of the world are going to kill us in the end.

WHO KNEW?

http://www.myheritage.com

Celebrity look a-like. If you want to do it for yourself, go here.