EXOTIC EROTIC

IMOL, CaGa, and ?

Oh what a night - late October 2007. Was a very special time... the annual Exotic Erotic Ball at the luxurious Cow Palace [that's sarcasm for the locals]. I saw lots of skin. Too much skin at times if you know what I mean - nudge, nudge. I met the first runner-up to Miss Exotic Erotic (she lost to this WHOA-man who flashed the crowd - I wish she hadn't [see above]). Unfortunately, none of my usual entourage* was there at that moment to snap a photo. Too bad because the first runner-up was a first-class hottie: a-woOO! Sorry but she was. The crowd picked the "winner". I voted for the runner-up and almost lost my voice. If the man with the camera is out there reading this, please send the photo my way.

I arrived in style with slave Leia, a fallen angel, and a sexy piratess. The pink bracelets you might see around our wrists above were VIP backstage passes (that's how I met the runner-up - did I mention how hot she was?). Kudos to LaDe and MoFo for working their magic yet again.

As I sit back and ponder the evening, I wonder... why can't every night be exotic and erotic?

*When I say entourage, I mean MoFo.

THE MATRIX HAS YOU

Mayor Gavin Newsom (above) - I saw him sitting at a bar (Matrix), signing letters. That's a pretty cool thing to do for a mayor, but then again, San Francisco has got a cool mayor. Yeah, he got himself in a little trouble for sleeping with his campaign manager's wife, but c'mon... the man's hair is immaculate - you can't hold something like a small affair against him.

Our Conversation:

IMOL: Hey, Gavin - how's it going?
MAYOR: [smiling] Hi.
IMOL: Heard you on the Alice Morning Show the other day - you were pretty funny.
MAYOR: Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot.
IMOL: [to bartender] Ketel One Martini, up, extra dry with an olive, please... [back to Mayor] I was really impressed by how well you answered those calls. You really know what's going on in the city... like you're really reading all those "Pet Peeves" postings on your website.
MAYOR: Well, I do... though I've been so busy lately, I've probably personally only read about 80% of those recently.
IMOL: I wonder if you've seen the pet peeve I submitted then...
MAYOR: What was it?
IMOL: Complaint with DPT [Department of Parking & Traffic] - I tried to pay some parking tickets in person, and they said I couldn't pay with a check... they said that they only accepted checks that were sent by mail [at this point, IMOL puts shoulders and palms up as if to say WTF]...
MAYOR: [double blink] That's just plain silly.
IMOL: I know, that's why I submitted it.
MAYOR: I haven't seen it yet, but I'll keep an eye out for it because that's absolutely ridiculous, you're right.
IMOL: Cool - well, thank you, Mr. Mayor - keep up the good work... I'll definitely be voting for you again.
MAYOR: Thanks, I could use all the support I can get...
IMOL: [lifts his glass in appreciation and takes a big swig] Take care.
MAYOR: [nodding and smiling again] You, too...

Then he got back to signing his letters. Super charismatic guy, he is. The Democrats could have really used him nationally if it weren't for that whole same-sex marriage issue debacle (and that little affair thing.) Someday, the rest of the country will catch up with his progressive vision.

IMOL GOES "INTERNATIONAL"

Okay so I had promised that I would incorporate more things international into this blog, so I thought long and hard about what I could do while I wait for the government to do its job and issue me a new passport already, and I decided to go find the tourists. No better place to do that in San Francisco than Fisherman's Wharf and Alcatraz Island.

MoFo's mother was in town, too, so it seemed like a perfect excuse to do something I normally wouldn't do. In fact, although I've lived in the Bay Area since '94 (minus 3 years in New Orleans), I have never been to Alcatraz nor had I ever ridden a cable car. Just one of those things I felt too cool to do as a local and all.

What a mistake. The audio tour of Alcatraz is stellar. The best I have ever heard (okay so it's the only audio tour I've ever taken but it was still pretty cool). Very educational, too. There were some things about the history of the island that I'd had no idea about. For instance, did you know Al Capone liked to wear his underwear over his head and cluck like a chicken? Actually, that might not be true - I just like to start random rumors in public places to see if they ever come back my way (the one about pop rocks, coke and Mikey from Life cereal - I started that one when I was in grammar school).

The sea lion guy at Fisherman's Wharf was cool to talk to. He's there to answer questions about the sea lions that like to sunbathe at the pier. I stumped him. I asked him if the sea lions' mating habits are more affected by diet or temperature changes. He had no answer for me (little did he know it was a trick question!). We also talked about sharks. The Great Whites off the coast* like to munch on these poor creatures. Sea Lion Guy said that the Killer Whales, though, who hunt in packs, kick ass over the Great Whites. Thus endeth the marine life lesson for the day.

Finally, when darkness fell, I wrapped my arm around a cable car pole and went on what felt like a roller coaster ride through the streets of San Francisco. Thank God I had the wherewithall for an Irish Coffee from Buena Vista before flying through the chilly city air.

FYI - If any of my friends want to come visit (nudge nudge), I'll gladly do it all again.

*The fall is a great time to visit the Farallon Islands off the coast of the San Francisco peninsula because those waters are known as the mating waters for all types of sharks (including Great Whites) and whales (including Orcas). It's basically a big orgy (my words - Sea Lion Guy would call it a great photo opportunity).

ELECTRO STRIKES AGAIN

I've managed to kill my camera somehow. Add that to the list of assorted electronic goods that I plan to use in my latest and greatest sculpture idea.

Concept: an ethereal child ascending to the heavens yet the subject manages to retain the reality of self, though young and innocent, knowing and more complete than the unseen rest of us about - still very stark in its perspective as is symbolized by the play between light and dark, a contrast accentuated by the space dynamics evident within the expansive composition... made entirely from junk with wires. 3 DVD players and I really don't remember how many phones, I've lost count. Electro has fried all of them somehow.

I have powers. Super-human super-hero type powers. California has helped developed them. With its verdant vegetation.

So I celebrate with a Cohiba in hand, given to me by AmBo, as pictured above from a photo previously unused but now presented because did I mention - I killed my camera somehow.

Synchronicity, once again. Between my camera dying, this photo, the cigar I'm smoking and the fab female next to me who happens to be a fantastic pro photographer. The Almighty Light of the Great Oooh You Are So Big Bless AmBo by the way - she is the pro photographer I want to take with me on all my travels.

As for other photographers, I don't know what I'd do without them. I wouldn't be able to post anything anyway if it weren't for MoFo.

She rocks like a star.

She goes with me to the bar.

Honey from a jar.

A thank you haiku... a thaiku.